Friday, July 2, 2010

bad blogger...

I don't know why it's so hard for me to blog.... I've got all day and when Al's home he's studying unless I'm distracting him so I have more time then too.... BUT I just hate loading pictures onto my blog. It takes soooo long and to get them there in the right order is such a pain in the butt! I read a friend of mine's blog and she just rambled about thoughts she had, but when I read her thoughts they were positive things... it made me think of the rambling I do inside my head that keep me up at night.... There's this book I heard about in church by John Bytheway... Something about how to be miserable... and I thought that's me... where I get this awful tendency to kill myself with thoughts is beyond me....

So here are some of my ramblings... I will post pictures when i feel like it later...

SO... one I've thought about my place as an stay at home mother. A lot of the girls I know that stay at home with just one baby or none yet ( like me) have hobbies like sewing, or cake decorating or flower arranging or painting.... stuff like that.... NOW I've really wanted to start hobbies like that ( sewing & cake decorating in particular) but I've been sooooo terrified of the money it costs. I hate thinking about it, but now and even worse in the fall Alex and I really can't afford very much. We live to the brim every month... even when I was working and getting paid... we had a little more play and savings money, but really we've always been pretty poor.... NOW i don't want this to sound like I'm complaining, because I know that Alex is a really hard worker and he's only in the beginning ( this fall) of his junior year of college and I know that one day we'll be comfortable, probably never rich, but comfortable with savings, comfortable enough to buy stuff that we want sometimes, but now we're not and it's okay... the problem is, is that I've never had time for a hobby so I couldn't prepare myself for this time. I've always been in school full time and work full time... I miss having a job... working was my hobby... I've tried to get a job, but no one wants to hire a pregnant person and I know people say you don't have to tell them, but to me that feels dishonest... they'd get me for four months and then what, they'd leave me with a bad recommendation because I didn't tell them I was having baby before I was hired. People don't realize how detrimental it can be to your ability to get hired somewhere else when they don't like you had the job you had before.... SOOO anyways I'm still looking for a job and praying someone will hire me for the summer, but hobbies are so expensive... there are other things I can do that are free... like

study french ( I took it for so long and school and can't speak or read very well)
practice piano ( But I never do that because I don't want to get up and go to the school to do it and we can't afford to get one )
I read... reading is good
I take walks... that's good
I'm working on family history, but it's hard because of my heritage. They didn't start keeping records until my parents generations so it's not like I can go on family or whatever everyone else does to collect it and my family isn't that great at helping me... so I get discouraged...
I go to the temple....I've been trying to go once by my self a week ( I go with Al every week, but he only has time for that he works and has so much school)
I just feel like when someone wants to hang out I have nothing to talk about because I don't do anything....
I'm too scared of trying to hang out with someone without a planned activity because of the possibility of the awkward silence I would cause.
So ...... anyways.... I don't know, and when the baby comes. I know I'll have a lot of busy time with baby, but what about the down time... what will I do...

I'm sorry I hope I'm not completely trying to depress everyone.... really just babbling, trying to get it off my chest. I'll probably do this a lot more and if you don't want to read, don't feel bad maybe I just need somewhere to let my feelings off on....


  1. I totally know what you mean about not being able to afford hobbies. Maybe you could try volunteering somewhere. There are always volunteers needed somewhere :) Good Luck!

  2. Aw, Orchid you are plenty interesting enough without a planned activity. I know what you mean though, even now sometimes I get tired of only being seen as Malcom's mom, he tends to be the subject of a lot of outside conversations. It's understandable though, I mean gosh! Look at him! Even with hobbies and things, sometimes I still have a hard time find conversation with people because honestly, I don't have a ton of really interesting things to talk about. You're amazing though! You'll get through it and be a super mommy. When I run out of ideas to do I like to roam the blogging world, because there are a ton of mommies out there that are way more creative (and yet, just as poor!) as I am! They have a great ideas. Good luck Orchid!

  3. I feel your pain! When our budget is low and I feel the need to be creative, I rearrange decorations. As for sewing being expensive, I find a lot of fabric at the DI! Old pillowcases etc that are still useable. I'm still don't have much experience with it, but you can borrow my sewing machine anytime and we'll learn together! I agree with volunteering (maybe at the animal shelter) and browsing blog land. There are so many cheap fun things out there. Oh, and you can come over any time and we'll chat :)

  4. I know exactly how you feel! Only my baby is already here and I don't WANT a job.
    We sit around and do a whole lot of nothing. It's minorly depressing. But I do stare at/take pictures of my son all the time, and that is fun.

  5. Hi Orchid!

    First of... I LOVE YOU! You are amazing for learning to follow the prophet's advice and be frugal instead of going into debt over things to do. You're the best.

    I completely agree with the volunteer idea. Check out the summer reading program, nursing home craft or bingo day, animal shelter, etc. Definately google for blogs with cheap or free crafts too. Here's one my sister tried:

    Other cheap/free ideas I thought of:
    -Write missionaries ( for free for some)
    -Check out movies from the public library
    -Learn how to index (they can teach you at the family history center on campus and it's family history that's easy that anyone can help with from home)
    -Check the student bulliten board for people needing nannies or sitters (I know a lot of married couples have one or two classes that overlap and need someone for just even that much)

    You're awesome! If you ever want to save more money, come to IF and do your shopping at Winco. I promise you'll save more than you spend on gas... it's amazing! Milk is $1.56 a gallon, and you can buy as much or little as you want at bulk prices. Plus, I can take you to the zoo for free then (I have a free membership) or we can get ice cream. You'll never bore me! Love ya Orchid! :)

  6. PS The ice cream would so be on me... or we can cook lunch or breakfast at my place if you came to IF. :)

  7. Orchid, I feel ya, i always am looking for new hobbies but the price holds me back! I love the piano idea i try that too but it is hard not having one! I did pick up crocheting, it's cheap. you can by one needle for a dollar, and a whole thing of yarn for like 2 dollars and just whittle away, I should have taught you!

  8. Its actually really awesome how lucrative hobbies can become!

    For example, if you bought a super cheap keyboard like this one >> << you could teach piano lessons to beginners and also have a piano to practice on!

    Or, you could make really cheap pillowcase skirts and sell them! Or crochet mittens, hats, and baby shoes! (I think Rexburg has a farmer's market where people sell all kinds of crafts during the summer) Yarn and needles are cheap! And you can learn just about everything you need to know on youtube! :)

    I bet you could even market your education degree for tutoring at the school and for the families in town!

    I don't know. Just ideas. Still, you might be surprised at the cheap little hobbies you can pick up and the ways you can make money doing them!

  9. You should start making baby announcements or a baby scrapbook now when you have the time. You can leave spots for pictures and writing to fill in later. You can never keep up when the kids are here. :)